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LiveJournal for Joshua Smith.

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You're looking at the latest 15 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 15 entries.

Monday, November 17th, 2003

Subject:About Me
Time:7:06 pm.
I am the luckiest person alive! Why? Well, I can't exactly tell you, but I have everything I've ever wanted!

:D
Comments: 4 songs | sing along.

Monday, September 22nd, 2003

Subject:i just wanna believe (in us)
Time:12:45 am.
Mood: confused.
Right now I don't know what to think. I'm wanted, but I'm very much not at the same time. I don't want you to be upset at me. I'm sorry that I have this ability to be a major asshole without even realizing what I'm doing. If I could make everything better for you, I would. I'd let you have the man you want. I'd have no feelings for you like I have now.

Right now I don't understand you. You complain about how things are, and then you complain when I try to change them. Like tonight... you complain about how you don't know if you want him to be there, and then you complain when I say I'm going to stay. You say that you don't care if I stay, but if I say that I am going to stay, you yell at me. Why is it so difficult for you to just tell me how you feel? This isn't the first time that you've just left me hanging. You are so dependent on others that you require them to make the decisions... but you get upset when they make the wrong one.

[mixed signals will be the death of me]


i am all you've ever wanted,
what all the other boys all promised.
sorry i told. i just needed you to know.
i think in decimals and dollars.
i am the cause to all your problems,
shelter from cold. we are never alone.
. . .
we're concentrated on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
i was just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us.

Oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.
we are entirely smooth.
we admit to the truth,
we are the best at what we do.
and these are the words you wish you wrote down.
this is the way you wish your voice sounds,
hansome and smart.
oh my tongue's the only muscles on my body
that works harder than my heart.
and its all from watching tv,
and from speeding up my breathing.
wouldnt stop if i could.
oh it hurts to be this good.
your holding on to your grudge.
oh it hurts to always have to be honest
with the one that you love.
oh, so let it go..

we're concentrated on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
i was just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe.

this is the grace that only we can bestow.
this is the price you pay for loss of control.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.
this is the reason your alone,
this is the rise and the fall.

we're concentrated on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
i was just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us.
Comments: 2 songs | sing along.

Wednesday, September 17th, 2003

Time:1:26 pm.
i'm too nice for my own good... and I don't know how to be mean.
Comments: sing along.

Time:1:08 pm.
i need somebody to talk to... but there isn't anybody.

























i'm about to cry :(
Comments: sing along.

Subject:already breaking my promise
Time:1:02 pm.
Mood: depressed.
on the brink of a nervous breakdown. i can't stop twitching and rubbing my hands.

totally feeling like shit.
totally feeling unimportant.
totally feeling unloved.

life never truly gets better... we just pretend it does.
Comments: sing along.

Tuesday, September 16th, 2003

Subject:wow
Time:9:57 pm.
Mood: happy.
It's been a long time since I've posted in here. I would normally say it was because I've been busy, which is a half-truth. However, it's simply been because the point of this journal was for me to find answers to the problems polluting my mind. Lately, these problems haven't been around. Maybe I'm finally over my 2-year bout with depression. Maybe it's just because I have what I want from life right now. How can a happy person complain? They can't.

I think I'll casually update this journal with things that I think are interesting or what not... but no more depressed stuff. I've realized that I'm a great guy who will one day make some girl very happy. But why should I be depressed until then? That only invalidates my existance. If I'm me, people will want to be around me. Joshie just rocks :-p

I think I'm finally going to complete my mission to rank every song on my Windows Media Player. I've been listening to the songs in order and I have it completed through Weezer's American Gigolo, which is playing now... so, I'm about to start this mission all over again starting with The Offspring's Americana. Shall be great fun... I'll keep you updated.

[have a nice day]
Comments: 1 song | sing along.

Monday, September 8th, 2003

Time:8:31 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
I haven't written in a while, and there's not a whole lot to write about.

But after today, I feel a lot more comfortable with a certain someone and life in general. Other girls don't matter when I'm with her. I loved today, and I can't wait for more days like it to come.
Comments: sing along.

Sunday, August 31st, 2003

Subject:19
Time:12:13 pm.
Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday, dear Joshie.
Happy Birthday to me!
Comments: 3 songs | sing along.

Friday, August 29th, 2003

Subject:what a umm... yeah
Time:8:34 pm.
it took me three hours to drive 115 miles home from school. what a bunch of crap.

now i have nothing to do, which is what i need to get used to for the next week. i won't see cassy again until monday night... and then tuesday... and then friday night. i've been away for 7 hours and i already miss her, although she JUST logged on, like as I was typing this sentence.

somebody is willing to spend money on me. sushi (sunlover8) spent 23 cents to send me a postcard. she's so cool. it's the only postcard i've ever received.... although i think i'm getting another one soon. if it weren't for my total lack of neat handwriting or want to write by hand i think i would use postcards.

today cassy "introduced" me to "blue bags." i must say that it was a very embarassing moment... possibly the most embarassing of my 18 year, 363 day life. sheesh

Edit: Let's just make that sentence make a little bit of sense :)
Comments: 1 song | sing along.

Thursday, August 28th, 2003

Subject:blah
Time:2:20 pm.
not sure what this is a list ofCollapse )
Comments: sing along.

Wednesday, August 27th, 2003

Subject:open call
Time:8:08 pm.
i'm depressed.... i need somebody to cuddle or makeout with.

any takers?
Comments: 3 songs | sing along.

Tuesday, August 26th, 2003

Time:8:39 pm.
Mood: blank.
If I were a month I would be: November, it's when everything is dying
If I were a day of the week I would be: Thursday
If I were a time of day I would be: 11:11
If I were a planet I would be: Mercury
If I were a sea animal I would be: whale
If I were a direction I would be: southwest
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: chair
If I were a sin I would be: murder
If I were a historical figure I would be: Ghandi, if he didn't have a lady
If I were a liquid I would be: piss
If I were a stone, I would be: stepping stone
If I were a tree, I would be: maple tree
If I were a bird, I would be: ostrich... they're always sticking their heads into the ground and just disappearing
If I were a tool, I would be: a screwdriver
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a venus flytrap
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: those gloomy days without rain
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: drums
If I were an animal, I would be: penguin
If I were a color, I would be: green
If I were an emotion, I would be: sad
If I were a vegetable, I would be: potato
If I were a sound, I would be: the sound of silence
If I were an element, I would be: Au
If I were a car, I would be: the dead one on the side of the road
If I were a song, I would be: any sad song shall do
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Gus Van Sant
If I were a book, I would be written by: Nick Hornby
If I were a food, I would be: steak
If I were a place, I would be: a hospital
If I were a material, I would be: cotton
If I were a taste, I would be: sour
If I were a scent, I would be: nice
If I were a religion, I would be: buddhist
If I were a word, I would be: blank
If I were an object, I would be: an empty room
If I were a body part I would be: a head
If I were a facial expression I would be: gloomy
If I were a subject in school I would be: science... cause nobody will ever understand me
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Doug
If I were a shape I would be: a triangle
If I were a number I would be: 73
Comments: sing along.

Monday, August 25th, 2003

Time:12:36 am.
Mood: curious.
as i sit here right now, i'm trying to figure out my role in life. i don't know what my role is in the grand picture of things. i don't know what my role is at mercer. i don't know what my role is in anybody's life. am i needed by anybody or am i just here? there are a few people who i think i am wanted by, but i'm not sure if anybody needs me. but should i be needed? is it healthy if another needs me in their life?

i just want to know my role. it makes things easier when i know what is expected of me. i'm already a confused actor on the stage of the world, but maybe i could at least find my purpose on this stage. oh well... thinking only hurts me, so maybe i should stop. if any of you know my role, tell me. i need all the help i can get.
Comments: 1 song | sing along.

Sunday, August 24th, 2003

Time:4:53 am.
Mood: grateful.
this past night has taught me a lot:

1) i can live with the current situation. there was a period tonight where i wanted to be mad... but i could never bring myself to it.

2) it's amazing how it takes seeing yourself losing everything before you realize what you really have. i have a girl that i generally have a wonderful time with... and i wanted to throw that all away over some petty stuff.

3) how much i really care.

4) i shouldn't get mad when you're with other guys. if all i want from this is what the other guys have, then i am in this for all the wrong reasons. i don't need the cuddling, the kissing, the extras. if they happen, so be it. but i'm here because i love you and you're my best friend. i'm not here to try and make out with you or to try and get in your pants.

On another note, I'm kind of glad you didn't stay over here tonight. I'm sure I would have loved it, but after all the stuff that happened yesterday, I don't know how comfortable I would have been. Plus, the walk there and the walk back showed me why i care for you... and also 2-4 from above. I'm glad you went back... you can stay over some other night ;)
Comments: sing along.

Saturday, August 23rd, 2003

Subject:I knew it... and now you do too
Time:2:16 pm.
Mood: happy.
<td bgcolor="#000000">Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Color</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Birthday</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Destiny</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Savior of the human race </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Date when you fufill your destiny</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">June 12, 2009</td></tr>
What is Your Destiny? by Valcion
Created with quill18's MemeGen!
Comments: sing along.

LiveJournal for Joshua Smith.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (The Savior Of Your Thoughts).
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 15 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 15 entries.